How to Achieve Your Goals

I remember watching Live Aid in July 1985, stunned by the contrast between my hunger and the starvation shown on screen. In that moment, I felt deep gratitude, not because my family was rich, but because we had food, shelter, and safety. In comparison, my ordinary family was very privileged compared to the people struggling to survive in Ethiopia.

Life isn’t fair. Some are born into abundance, others into suffering. But that unfairness can be the beginning of a better story if you choose to play the hand you’ve been dealt. This post isn’t about pity or privilege, but a raw look at why life is inherently unfair, shaped by my own experiences growing up.

That was my reality in the nineteen-eighties. But unfairness is just as real now, and in some ways, more visible. I recently read about a young woman named Maya in Manchester, UK, who grew up in a council flat, watching her mother work three jobs just to keep the lights on. Despite struggling with unreliable internet, caring for younger siblings, and missing out on school social life, she taught herself coding through free online resources at the library. By the time she finished sixth form, she had built an app that helps students find local mental health support, which is now being used in several schools. Maya’s story, and those like hers, prove that even in a world that can feel stacked against you, it’s possible to transform disadvantage into motivation, and adversity into action.

During my childhood, unfairness was easy to see, from the news to the schoolyard. Some are born to privilege; others face poverty or hardship. I know this firsthand: I was bullied, fought back, and faced consequences for defending myself! I never forgot the pain of the cane whipping my knuckles as a punishment for stopping three fellow students who relished in hurting me and others. I was getting hurt anyway, and at least the bullies were exposed and receiving the punishment along with me.

After decades and life challenges, I’ve learned: Life isn’t fair, but it shouldn’t prevent you from pursuing what matters. Everyone can find success. And success means different things to different people: one person, food on the table; another, raising a happy family; another, money. All achievements are wealth and success; the measure is personal.

The saying, ’No pain, no gain,’ is true, provided you learn from the experience and turn it into a positive.

The Birth Lottery: Your Starting Line Was Never Equal

Life’s unfairness begins at birth with the "birth lottery"; you don’t choose your genetics, parents’ bank account, country, or health. Global inequality is stark: the top 10% earn nearly half of global income while the bottom 10% make less than 1%. Wealth is even more concentrated, with the top 10% owning 3/4 of it.

In the UK and the US, extreme childhood wealth inequality means the top 1% controls vast wealth while the bottom half has almost none. A Georgetown University report bluntly notes that in America, being born rich trumps being born smart: a high-achieving child from the bottom socioeconomic quartile has only a 31% chance of college and a stable middle-class job by their mid-30s, compared to a 71% chance for a low-performing child from the top quartile.

My own experience underscores this: I was born in the UK during a stable time, never fearing famine or war, unlike over a million Ethiopian children lost to famine during Live Aid.

Geography can bring doom or deliver prosperity. Some children inherit trust funds and elite networks; others inherit generational poverty, disabilities, or parents battling addiction. Research on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) reveals that early trauma, family breakdown, neglect, or loss can wire the brain for poor health, hinder education, and trigger mental health struggles.

Yet research offers hope: supportive relationships and learned skills can change outcomes. The core message is clear: unfair starts don’t dictate endings.

If you find yourself dealt an unfair hand, here are three actions you can take today to start reshaping your path:

1. Decide that you want a different life, and write down a clear, detailed description of the lifestyle you want. Include everything, even the furniture in your home.

2. Seek out mentors or role models, either in your local community or online, who can inspire and guide you.

3. Take advantage of free resources, such as public libraries, online courses, and community programs, to build new skills that others are willing to pay for.

4. Set one small, specific goal for yourself this week, like applying for a workshop, reaching out for advice, or learning a new topic. Small steps build momentum.

Family Fractures: The Home You’re Given (or Denied)

Even within the same country, families reveal life’s uneven hand. Some children grow up with two loving, stable parents; others watch divorce rip their world apart. In the UK, recent analyses of the Millennium Study show that by age 14 or 15, nearly 45% of teenagers no longer live with both birth parents, the highest level since records began. Lone-parent households hover around 21-26%, and children from dissolved families face higher odds of behavioural issues, lower school well-being, and poverty. Single parents often juggle everything alone.

But unfairness appears in forms far beyond family structure. Many people face additional and even more complex barriers. Chronic illness or disability can limit opportunities that others take for granted.

I’ve seen it in friends: some married their childhood sweethearts and built quiet, loving lives together. Others never found that person, or thought they did, only to face divorce, custody battles, and being blocked from seeing their own kids.

Then there’s the gut-wrench: early death of a parent, or living with one hooked on drugs or alcohol. These aren’t rare. Addiction tears homes apart daily.

Some kids excel in school effortlessly; others, like many practically minded ones, shine at building, fixing, or organising but struggle with academics.

Bullying stats aren’t always headline-grabbing, but surveys consistently show it affects millions, scarring self-esteem and social skills unevenly. Some sail through unscathed; others carry the weight into adulthood.

My experience taught me that life isn’t fair and that no one is coming to rescue me, so I need to look after myself and others by being strong and doing the right thing. I forgave the head teacher who punished me, even though I was punished along with the bullies.

After all, he didn’t see the months of bullying I endured at the hands of these vile children. The reward was that these kids mended their ways and didn’t bully again. In adulthood, I met one of the bullies at a bowling alley, and he proudly introduced me to his four sons, who were polite and shook my hand. They were obviously raised very well. I often wondered if I had a part in that!

My Journey: Heartache, Lessons, and a Million-Dollar Warning

I’ve lived the unfairness up close. Married twice, I’ve tasted both the bliss of connection and the sting of failure.

The first marriage taught me warning signs I wish I’d spotted sooner, red flags around communication, finances, and emotional baggage. The second brought its own challenges: health issues, money worries, the grind of rebuilding.

Yet I wouldn’t swap my life for my “lucky” friends’ smoother rides.

Their childhood-sweetheart marriages look idyllic from the outside, but my scars gave me empathy and insight. I can now spot patterns others miss and help people dodge the same pitfalls. Experience is the best teacher when you let it be.

Take my friend who inherited a million dollars at 19. Wealth should have been his launchpad. Instead, by 30, he was a drug-addicted alcoholic, homeless, sleeping in a cardboard box. No amount of money fixes a lack of purpose, discipline, or resilience. He had every material advantage, yet squandered it because unfairness isn’t just about starting poor; it’s about what you do when the world hands you ease or hardship.

In contrast, a boy in my friendship group crashed his car and lost the use of his legs at 19 years old and suffered severe scarring. Against medical opinion and with determination, he regained the use of his legs after five years and married his nurse.

The point? External fairness is an illusion. Internal response is everything.

Today’s Amplified Unfairness: Social Media and Filtered Realities

Growing up pre-digital felt different. No Instagram highlight reels, no AI-enhanced influencers, no 24/7 comparison. Magazines and limited TV showed stars as they were, flawed humans on film or in the flesh at football matches. The world was smaller; you didn’t know every celebrity’s filtered vacation or every peer’s “perfect” life.

Today, social media weaponises unfairness. Everyone’s best moments scroll endlessly. It makes the birth lottery feel crueller, and the successful seem untouchable. But the core unfairness hasn’t changed; it’s just louder. Filters hide struggles; AI creates impossible standards. Don’t let it paralyse you. The icons of my youth succeeded despite (or because of) real-world grind. So can you.

Recognise the fantasy that you are being sold and keep your life and thoughts real.

Why Unfairness Shouldn’t Stop You: Resilience, Growth Mindset, and Real Examples

Here’s the liberating truth: life’s unfairness is universal, but your response isn’t.

The main message is that while you can’t control life’s difficulties, you can choose how you respond, and evidence shows this can lead to growth.

Carol Dweck’s growth mindset research shows people who view challenges as opportunities (not fixed traits like “I’m just unlucky”) outperform fixed-mindset peers.

Failure becomes data, not defeat.

Resilience studies echo this: supportive adults, problem-solving skills, and reframing adversity can lead to “post-traumatic growth.” Low-to-moderate childhood challenges can even foster anxiety resilience later, if processed well.

The lives of J.K. Rowling and Nick Vujicic show that overcoming unfair circumstances can fuel success rather than block it. J.K Rowling, a single mother on benefits, wrote the Harry Potter Books. Nick Vujicic, who is without arms or legs, is a world-famous motivational speaker.

In my circle, the “lucky” friends with easy marriages stayed comfortable, but my harder path equipped me to help others. And to better understand others and show more empathy, without judgment.

No pain, no gain. Hard times make strong people, even though it often doesn’t feel like it at the time!

Practical Solutions: Turning Unfairness into Your Greatest Asset

Acceptance is step one. Stop wasting energy wishing for a different hand. As the Stoics taught (and modern psychology confirms), control what you can: your effort, attitude, and learning.

If you feel overwhelmed by where to start, do something tiny today: write down one thing you're grateful for, send a quick thank-you text to someone, pick one small topic to Google, or decide on a five-minute walk outside. Taking one immediate action, no matter how simple, shifts you out of stuckness and into motion.

My two favourite actions are making a cup of tea and relaxing while enjoying it, and taking a walk in nature, touching a tree, or walking barefoot on the grass. Everything seems less of a problem after that. Everything is perspective.

When my first marriage failed, I was heartbroken, but I accepted it and focused on the present. Two years later, after vowing never to let anyone hurt me again, I met the female version of me, married a few years later, and enjoy a very happy life together. The past seems like another life, and I’m very good friends with my first wife.

Here’s how:

1. Cultivate Gratitude Daily. My Live Aid memory stuck because it shifted perspective. List three things you’re thankful for each morning. Research shows this rewires the brain toward optimism, reducing envy of others’ “fairer” starts.

2. Adopt a Growth Mindset. View every setback as training. After my bullying fights, I learned discipline through sports and reading. Journal failures weekly: What did I learn? How do I improve?

3. Learn from Pain, Don’t Repeat It. My marriages taught warning signs. Therapy, relationship books, or mentors accelerate this. “No pain, no gain” only works if you extract the lesson.

4. Build Non-Negotiable Habits. Unfair starts often mean weaker foundations; fix it. Read 20 pages daily. Exercise consistently. Network in real life (Meeting a friend for a coffee, not a message on social media). Skills compound faster than privilege.

5. Seek and Offer Support. Resilience thrives on relationships. Find mentors, join communities. Then pay it forward, helping others (as my experiences now allow me to), creates purpose and networks.

6. Set Micro-Goals with Vision. Don’t chase “fairness.” You will only find disappointment. Define success personally: a happy family, meaningful work, and health. Break it into daily actions. Track progress quarterly.

7. Protect Your Mind from Modern Noise. Limit social media. Curate inputs like my childhood; real books, in-person connections. The world felt smaller then; focus narrowed success.

8. Embrace “Enough” Over Envy. My rich friend proved that money without wisdom destroys. Chase fulfilment, not comparison.

9. Don’t envy another life, as the chances are you wouldn't want their problems. Everyone has issues.

These aren’t platitudes. They’re battle-tested. Studies of survivors show that those with even one stable adult or skill-building opportunity often exceed expectations.

You can be that for yourself. This means setting up simple routines like regular sleep, meals, and exercise, checking in with how you feel, reaching out for help when you need it, or finding guidance through mentors, counselling, or community resources.

Make your own well-being and growth non-negotiable, just as a supportive adult would for a child, create structure, celebrate small wins, and keep showing up for yourself. Over time, this steady self-support builds the foundation for everything else.

The only person you can control is yourself. However, your good behaviour may influence others!

Everyone Can Win—In Their Own Way

A third of my school friends married young and thrived in quiet love. Others faced divorce, loneliness, or loss. I’ve had health scares, financial dips, and relational wreckage. Yet I’m at peace.

My “unfair” path forged wisdom I now share.

Success isn’t a level starting line; it’s crossing your own finish line smiling. Life isn’t fair. It never was, and pretending otherwise breeds bitterness. But that unfairness is the very soil where resilience grows. Whether you started in a famine zone, a fractured home, or with every advantage squandered, your next chapter is yours to write.

Accept the hand. Play it brilliantly. Learn, adapt, give back. The goals that matter, joy, growth, and contribution, remain reachable. What unfair card are you holding? Reframe it today. Start small: one grateful thought, one skill-building hour, one act of courage. Your story isn’t over. It’s just getting interesting. Life isn’t fair, but you are unstoppable when you decide not to let it be.

Your life is in your hands, and there will always be people in a worse position than you; that's life. Maybe they need to help themselves. Some people are their worst enemies, and some people you can’t help; life is not fair, accept it and control what you can.

For more blogs, visit the following category pages:

🧠 Personal Development

💰 Finance

🏥 Health

❤️ Relationships

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

© 2025. All rights reserved.

If you enjoy our content, please buy us a coffee or donate to help us to continue to provide content.