The Power of Listening

The Power of Listening

Why What You Don't Say Matters Most

In a world full of noise podcasts, social media, meetings, and constant notifications, we've become obsessed with talking, broadcasting, and sharing our opinions.

But real growth, connection, and understanding come from listening, not talking.

Listening isn't just the absence of speaking. It's an active, intentional process, a skill that can change relationships, solve conflicts, and sharpen your thinking if done well.

God gave us two ears for listening and one mouth for talking; use them in those proportions.

Your Brain on Listening: Why It's Harder Than You Think

Here's a simple truth:

Your brain doesn't passively record what it hears. It filters, edits, and reshapes everything, often without you realising it; this is called the Reticular Activating System.

When you're in a conversation, your brain is constantly:

• Predicting what the other person will say next

• Filtering information based on your beliefs and expectations

• Comparing it to what you already think is true

• Preparing your response — often while the other person is still speaking

In fact, studies show that most people only retain 25–50% of what they hear in a conversation. And of that, they often remember the parts that confirm their existing beliefs. Confirmation bias is one of the biggest blocks to real listening.

Are You Listening Or Just Waiting to Talk?

Here's a common trap:

• You're in a conversation.

• The other person is talking.

• You nod politely, but inside, you're formulating what you want to say next.

When you focus on your response, you not only miss the words being said but also the meaning, emotion, and nuance.

Real listening means:

• Suspending your inner commentary

• Not jumping to conclusions

• Being fully present to the other person's words, tone, and body language

• Not assuming you already know

Your Brain Processes Meaning, Not Just Words

When someone speaks, your brain isn't just decoding sounds. It's:

• Analysing context

• Interpreting emotional tone

• Predicting intent

• Searching for patterns

But if you're distracted or biased, your brain can fill in the gaps incorrectly, leading you to hear what you expect, not what was actually said. That's why misunderstandings happen even when two people are "listening." They're processing two different internal versions of the same conversation.

The antidote? Slower, more conscious listening.

How to Avoid Hearing Only What You Want to Hear

To truly listen, you have to be willing to challenge your own assumptions. Here's how:

1. Pause Your Agenda

Before a conversation, ask yourself:

• "Am I here to understand or to convince?"

• Authentic listening requires putting aside your desire to be right — at least for a moment.

2. Listen for Emotion, Not Just Information

People often say more with how they say it than what they say.

Tone, pace, pauses, and facial expressions are all data.

Try asking:

"You said you're fine, but you sound a little tired. How are you really?"

3. Reflect Before Responding

Before jumping in with your opinion, pause and paraphrase what you heard:

• "So what I'm hearing is that you're feeling overwhelmed by work, and it's starting to affect your sleep. Is that right?"

• Pausing and paraphrasing gives the other person a chance to clarify and helps your brain process the actual message, not your projection of it.

4. Stay Curious, Not Defensive

Suppose you feel your ego flaring up ("That's not true!" or "That's unfair!"). Take a breath.

Instead of reacting, ask:

• "Can you help me understand that a bit more?"

• That one sentence can transform arguments into understanding.

Listening Builds Relationships. Talking Often Protects the Ego.

When you listen:

• People feel heard, which builds trust

• You learn things you didn't know, which builds wisdom

• You create space for others, which builds respect

• You avoid assumptions, which prevents conflict

Talking, on the other hand, often becomes a tool to:

• Prove you're right

• Protect your self-image

• Avoid vulnerability

That's why listening takes more courage than speaking.

Flip the Script: Listen 70%, Talk 30%

Here's a challenge:

In your next conversation, whether personal or professional, try speaking only 30% of the time. Use the rest to ask questions, reflect, and truly listen. You might be surprised by what people reveal when you give them space.

Final Thoughts

Listening Is a Superpower

In a noisy, reactive world, the ability to really listen is rare. It's not passive. It's a powerful, intentional act of connection and self-awareness. So next time you're tempted to speak, pause.

• Listen not just to reply, but to understand.

• Not just to confirm, but to discover.

• Not just with your ears, but with your presence.

Because the best conversations don't come from what you say, they come from what you truly hear.