How To Stay Broke Forever

How to Stay Broke Forever: The Ultimate Guide to Financial Failure

Over the years, my children and some friends have continually complained about not having money. My response has always been the same, tongue-in-cheek: it's a life choice.

If you're tired of hearing about budgeting, investing, and "building wealth," this guide is for you. Here's your foolproof plan to guarantee a lifetime of financial struggle because who needs stability when you can have chaos?

1. Spend Every Penny You Earn

Savings are overrated. The moment your paycheck drops, it's time to treat yourself to new clothes, fancy dinners, a subscription you'll forget about, the works.
And a Bonus: Use credit cards to spend money you don't even have yet. It's the broke dream come true.

2. Never Track Your Expenses

Budgets are for boring people who hate surprises. Genuine financial thrill-seekers check their account balance only when their card is declined!

3. Ignore All Financial Education

Don't learn about investing, taxes, or compound interest; that's how people accidentally become rich. Please stay in the dark where it's cosy.

4. Make Minimum Payments Forever

Paying off debt is for quitters. Keep those balances high and interest growing; it's like nurturing a money-eating pet that never dies.

5. Buy Everything New

Used cars? Thrift stores? Hand-me-downs? Absolutely not. Always buy the latest, shiniest, and most expensive version of everything. You only live once, and so does your bank account.

6. Keep Up With Everyone Else

Did your friend buy a new phone? You need two. They posted vacation photos? Better book your trip tonight. Financial ruin tastes better when it's shared.

7. Marry a Gold Digger

Why build wealth when you can marry someone only interested in spending it? Bonus points if you fight over money constantly; nothing drains finances (and joy) faster.

8. Have Children Before You're Financially Ready

Kids are adorable money vacuums. Have several before you hit 30. Daycare, diapers, and unexpected expenses will make sure your bank account never recovers.

9. Exchange All Your Time for Money

Who needs passive income when you can grind sixty hours a week for every dollar you make? Forget building systems or assets; the broke stay broke by selling their time, one exhausted hour at a time.

10. Never Build an Emergency Fund

Life happens. But that's what credit cards, payday loans, and "borrowing from friends" are for, right?

11. Avoid Investing at All Costs

Stocks, crypto, and real estate are too confusing. Just let your money rot in an account while inflation eats it alive. Safe and broke, forever.

12. Blame Everyone Else

It's not your fault you're broke. It's capitalism. It's your job. It's the government. As long as you never take responsibility, you never have to change.

13. Stay Comfortable

The ultimate secret to staying broke forever? Never grow. Never take risks. Never learn. Comfort keeps you poor, but hey, at least it's familiar.

Conclusion - The Broke Life Is a Choice (If You're Committed Enough)

If you genuinely want to stay broke forever, it's simple: keep doing all of the above.
But if you ever decide you've had enough of financial chaos, start doing the opposite: save, invest, learn, and take ownership of your money. Because "broke" might be a phase, but staying broke is a lifestyle.

See the blog How Not To Be Broke Forever.